“Imagine a trust in yourself, or another person, or in
life itself, that doesn’t need to be proved or demonstrated, that is able to
contain uncertainty. People sometimes put their trust in a spiritual
leader and are terribly betrayed if that person then fails to live up to
ideals. But a real trust of faith would be to decide whether to trust someone,
knowing that betrayal is inevitable because life and personality are never
without shadow. The vulnerability that faith demands could be matched by
an equal trust in oneself, the feeling that one can survive the
pain of betrayal.”
Betrayal comes in many
forms and guises and when discovered it is deeper than a knife in the heart. It
can feel as if the depth of that knife is fatal and at times, for myself, I
wanted it to be so. But it is survivable ~ out of everyone
I've ever known, I know of only a few who have willingly mislead or
intentionally deceived me, and one or two that I’m aware of who didn't trust
me enough to tell me the truth. As with any trauma, however deep or embedded in
our hearts and souls and psyches, with help as needed, we can move forward.
Today is all we have in this Earthly existence. Living in past anguish prolongs
it. Counting the ones we can and do trust, relieves it and steadies the ground
of our being that theologian Paul Tillich described, even if we are,
understandably, a bit wary for a time.
Dear Jesus,
Betrayal in my life pales in comparison to
Yours. While You saw it coming and predicted it to the very people who would
betray You, perhaps in Your humanness You still hoped that it would not come to
be.
As for me, learning to trust after
discovering a betrayal was very difficult and very painful. I have moved on but
the faint echo of the hurt is still there yet fading with the time that passes.
So, for today, I will give up needing to replay the
anguish in my mind and take on making certain that I am
not one who will ever deceive another or cause any emotional harm. I will pray to
trust my own instinct about people and accept that I will sometimes be
disappointed, and I, no doubt, may disappoint others. AND I will concentrate on
all the many, many others who have been and are grace-filled gifts in my life.
This is proof enough that I can have faith and trust in others as I have in
You. More importantly, whatever happens in human relationships, I know that
my faith and trust in You will always be well-placed. amen.
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